Sunday, November 15, 2009
I'm a worrier.
In elementary school my teachers wrote the maximum time I was allowed to spend on a homework assignment on the top of my worksheets. In Girl Scouts I was known for fretting over budgets instead of activities when planning trips. In college I did test walks to my classes to assure myself I wouldn't get lost. I'd rather sit in my car in a parking lot for 20 minutes, early for an appointment, than show up on time or, worse, show up late.
Most new moms, if they're being honest, will tell you the first few months with a newborn are difficult. For me, they were almost impossible. Suddenly I wasn't worrying about a grade or a budget or directions or showing up on time. I was worrying about a life—a tiny, helpless, beautiful human life. I was recovering from a C-section. I was sick with some bug. I was having trouble nursing. I was exhausted but couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I cried, constantly. Time, support, love from my husband, parents, friends and Sophie—along with a little, daily pill—ended up helping me.
My OB said I should expect to deliver the twins sometime around the end of May. For most people spring, when we haven't even begun to experience the cold, dark days of winter, seems so far away. For me, it feels like next week. And as is in my nature, the worrying—along with the deep excitement—has begun.
So here is my list of twin-related worries that have been occupying my brain day and, lately sleepless, nights:
• I have two arms but will have three children.
• I live in a 1,200-square-foot two-bedroom/one-bath house that no one seems to want to buy.
• Someone will eventually buy our house and, before we find/move into a new, larger house, I'll be put on bed rest or, worse, will be in labor.
• I nursed Sophie for 13 months and, for most of those months, I often felt like that's all I did. Multiply that times two.
• This week at the grocery store I saw a shopping cart that can hold four(!) children. To me, this is society's way of telling me it's possible. But the logistics of it makes my head hurt.
• We use cloth diapers with Sophie most of the time. And we're always behind on laundry. I can only imagine the number of loads we'll have to do not per week—but per day—when two more babies are added to the mix.
• I've always wanted to experience a natural birth. Sophie was breech, so I had to have a C-section. Already I'm hearing a C-section with twins is the more likely scenario. And this saddens me.
• Here we are in front of our new-to-us Subaru, purchased early 2008. Come May 2009, it will be too small.
• I will be a mini-van driver.
• I'm not quite sure when I'll shower.
• I'm not quite sure when I'll eat.
• I'm not quite sure when I'll sleep.
• I worry about the lack of attention Sophie will get, no matter how hard I try to make sure she feels as loved, as cared for, as wanted and needed and important as she is now.
• I'm grateful for my freelance work, which exercises my brain, allows me adult interaction and helps pay the bills. But I'm not quite sure how I'll manage the same workload with two more mouths to feed, bottoms to change and brains to stimulate.
• When all three children are crying I wonder how I will know who to comfort first and how bad it will be when I, inevitably, start crying, too.
• I'm concerned with the fact that I'm already in maternity jeans. I mean, really, how big am I to become?
• I worry about the first sleepless, worry-and-joy-filled crazy year going so painfully slow and yet, at the same time, so painfully fast.
• I worry this list is already much too long and that I'm coming across as ungrateful when I truly realize how lucky—very lucky—I am.
I realize every single one of these worries has a response. And, deep down, I know I know them all. Many parents have raised happy and healthy children in houses as small (and much smaller) as ours. It's OK to let things go and know that I may have to have a C-section, I may have to use more disposable diapers than I like, I may have to supplement with formula. I will (eventually—right?) sleep. Sophie will feel loved. And in the end, like every other mother of twins (and more!) I've talked to, I know, looking back, I will have not want to have changed a thing.
But blame my nature. Blame my hormones. Blame the makeup ad I saw in Elle magazine today of a beautiful, perfectly-put-together-model-like mom smiling and holding newborn twins. I worry. And worry and worry and worry. I just hope that, in the next 6-1/2 months, my overwhelming excitement overtakes my daily list of worries and always-joy sets in.
"That the birds of worry and care fly over you head, this you cannot change, but that they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent." —Chinese Proverb
10 comments:
While I can't help with the house and the car being too small, I can guarantee you that Sophie, you, Drew, and the two new additions will never even have a chance to feel unloved. I know you'll all feel overwhelmed but that will be as bad as it gets. We are, everyone who loves you, as close as the phone.
I know it's probably not much reassurance, but here's my two cents worth, just in case. I grew up in a house not much bigger than yours. It was 2 bedroom + a semi-finished attic (that I slept it) with only 1 bathroom. I had 2 brothers. My dad worked crazy shifts as a police officer so we would go days at a time without seeing him, and my mom worked part time at a bank. We were never poor but never really had much money for all the extras in life. I always knew I was loved and never knew anything different than our tiny little house. Looking back I wouldn't change a thing about the way that I grew up, because I was loved. All that will matter to your children is that you love them, and I know the two of you will always have more than enough love to go around!
Oh Kara!!! I can TOTALLY sympathize about bringing new life into an already settled environment. Granted, we only had one, but still, the worry was there from the moment I realized I was pregnant. I finally just got a few books about new babies. One of our hospitals has a class for families that are adding new additions, to help the older siblings. We didn't take it, but it's offered. The best advice I got was to make sure that I told Makenna that the baby was our baby and we would need help with her. Plus, she named her, and would have always had a hand in the decision making on that front, even if she hadn't picked out the perfect name. :)
It's so odd that you wrote this, as my blog was about a similar thing. When you have time, check it out. It'll make you feel better.
Worrying is okay, but don't let it take over all of the enjoyment of Sophie and the excitement that your life is about to endure. :) You'll be a great Mommy of three!!!
You're a mother Kara, first and foremost. Mother's are a "do it or die" kind of people. I remember the first thought of taking the girls to the grocery. How will I do this?! Where will the pumpkin seats go - my bags (diaper and grocery) more importantly, the groceries!? Alas, I kept the girls in their seats in the stroller (which fits the Chico carseats, so you're welcome to it when the twins come) and pulled a cart behind me. Just an example on how mother's make do. As for nursing - I won't lie to you, it's tough. I did it for 10 months though and I know you'll be able to do it too. You'll be exhausted, stinky, stretched thin and crabby - but this too shall pass. You'll be WONDERFUL at it and I can't WAIT to see all the Uhls in action.
As far as love goes - you have MORE than enough to go 'round the world twice. Sophie will feel SO good knowing she's "helping" you with the babies. She's the big sister and that's VERY important role - she'll love it! You're children can and will NEVER feel anything but your warmth, kindness, joy and love. Always know too, that I'm here for you night and day! XXXO!
Ps. I was almost 200 pounds with the twins, but with nursing, it seriously came off quick! You can also join Strollerfit with me! :)~
Kara everything will work out, you'll figure it out. Go to www.nomotc.org and find a local twins club.
As far as size...well....I wore maternity clothes starting at 8 weeks...by 39 weeks, I was wearing XXL weighed close to 300 pounds, (with nursing lost it all plus some, now I weigh 150 less) was was as big around as I am tall! LOL
I did have natural childbirth, never produced enough milk for the two kiddos....had to supplement all the time, as far as diapers go...www.diapers.com, they deliver overnight!
I am never caught up on laundry, and I live in a 1200 square foot house, kids will share a room, twins will share a crib for a long time, and all will be well!
So excited for you!
Oh, you know the logical responses to each of your worries so I won't even start... You're going to be amazing. No doubt about it.
This may sound weird, but I'm a better person today than I ever was because I married the right person ("Nini" as Sophie would say) and we had three great children who taught us so much. And I keep on learning from them (you!). Some of what your children teach you is by what you learn from them by raising them and then as they get older you learn from them because they are so smart. With twins, you will learn twice as much! We are all here to help each other and we will always be there to help in whatever way needed. With Love. . .
Thank you. I knew most of my worries were/are unnecessary, but it's nice to be reassured, too. And it's clear these babies are going to receive so much love and support—and not only from us! You're right. There's not much else they'll need. And we're so lucky in that sense—I need to remember that.
You are a mom. And moms worry. It's what we do. We worry and we love. And we cry and laugh. It might be rough at first but you will find your groove (same as you did with Sophie) and all will be right with the world. We didn't know how we would love another child as much as we love Ella. But once Anna arrived, our love wasn't split in two...it was multiplied by ten. Our hearts are now bursting with love and pride for our girls. You have a wonderful family and group of friends that are there to support you. You will be great :)
Thanks, Brittany. :)
Post a Comment